I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
