Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dicks are not precious.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize