I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
