I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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