Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
