Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
