Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
