What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
