This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
