I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
