Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
honey bunches of taint.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
