why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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