Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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