i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize