ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
