From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
