My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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