he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
