i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
