i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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