She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
