i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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