after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
