Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
