Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
