I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
