Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
