how can u be prego again
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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