I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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