i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
