And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
