I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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