Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
