i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
