did you get engaged???
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
