Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
