Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
