My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
