i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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