i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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