and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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