margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
