pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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