Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
