He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can't put those talents on a resume
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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