i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
