you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
