My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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