glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
