i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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