i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
