I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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