I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
