i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
