How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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