the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my sisters under your porch take her home
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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