it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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