you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize