I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
