her vagine was all disorganized.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
