OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
