so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this boner is exhausting
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
