jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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