Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Come on in and take your pants off
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