Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
