u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
