I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
