I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
