i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
