have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
